the silence-

the silence-

i hear it echo through

and come back to me

silence is so loud,

silence is so heavy.

i never used to notice,

it was just the background

for our play-

tiny steps,

sometimes soft and slow

and others,

thundering down the

stairs and over chairs

and always hairs

and with the silence

comes the emptiness-

my arms ache with it,

my heart bleeds with it.

no soft, warm bundle to hold close,

no bright eyes to gaze

into mine,

no perky, chirpy sounds to

answer me back.

no anxious face at the



just for me.

no scolding if i’m late,

or cold-shouldered disdain

until she’s been fed,

pacing, pacing

until she’s been fed.

my pillow under my head

my blanket pulled up over

i hide-

from the silence

the silence was different then,

my cat curled at my side.


In memory


Violet AKA Buggy

The Blue Cat

May 2000 – March 2017

**laugh, laugh**

**laugh, laugh**

…but all he had were…

and you stop. nothing.

there is no word there.

it’s not on your tongue,

not on the tip or

hiding underneath,

and you haven’t swallowed it.

it never came out of your head.

you look at your sister as if it might be

on her face

no, it’s not there, stupid woman

it’s still in your head!

look there!

and you do

but it’s not

there, that is.

your head is blank

it’s like a black balloon on the inside,

just some air and black

and expanding

but you need that word.


right now!

where is it?

what is it?

forks? pictures? apples?

no… no… no…

your hands are fisted

and you can feel

how red your face is getting

you cast your eyes

here and there

hither and yon

and shake your hands


the word is right there!




and the black balloon of your mind


more and more

until you feel that it must be

as big as the universe

and as empty

as your Ben & Jerry’s ice cream container

at the end of the movie

you KNOW the word.

you DO.

WHAT is it?

your sister starts to prompt, now

apples? bananas?

pineapples? kiwis?


no, no…

uhm… cherries?

no… o

oh! oh!


but all he had were oranges and I wanted lemons, so I

didn’t buy anything.

**laugh, laugh**